How Over-Owning Responsibility is Sabotaging Your Success (Part 2)

“If we're over-extending ourselves into other people's circle of power it’s exhausting to us and frustrating to them. It’s disempowering.” - Laura Shook-Guzman (31:24-31:36)

Proper ownership of responsibility is a major factor in your ability to achieve success. But it’s possible to over-own and under-own those responsibilities, which can have a detrimental impact on our wellbeing and limit your success. We often over-own our responsibilities when it comes to taking care of our families and others. We over-extend ourselves. We enable others. Out of care, we give way too much. We can also under-own responsibility by not properly taking care of ourselves. We need to recognize when we’re over- or under-owning responsibility and find the balance we need to meet our needs and those of the people we love. 

“The only power we have with others is to create agreements or to communicate… that’s it. We can’t make them decide, act, or feel a certain way.” - Sonya Stattmann (30:41-31:02)

We often struggle to trust our own feelings and instincts when we know things are out of balance. We might see that we’re doing too much or failing to take care of ourselves, but we continue to push forward. We dismiss that inner voice telling us that something needs to change. 

Listening to Your Inner Voice

We need to be mindful of that inner voice as well as the physical sensations that can let us know when we’re taking on too much or not doing enough of what we need to be doing. It could be an overwhelming sense in the body or some other telltale sign. 

As women, we can struggle to see the signs because we’ve been conditioned to over-own. We learn to give of ourselves at the expense of meeting our own needs. This can cause us to no longer hear our inner voice and face the risk of burnout. This becomes a pattern that can lead to sleep problems, appetite issues, and headaches or chronic pain, among other health issues. 

Creating the Space for Self-Awareness

Self-awareness can help you overcome these challenges. Mindfulness teaches us to observe and check in with ourselves. Walking meditations are a great way to put this into practice and restore a state of self-reflection. When you’re aware of being out of balance it becomes possible to the right steps to center yourself again. 

Daily journaling can help create the space to become more self-aware. Over-owning our responsibilities puts us in a state of “fight or flight,” triggering our sympathetic nervous system. Restorative practices like yoga can be beneficial for anyone on the verge of burnout. Look at those areas of your life that are out of balance. Start with the least painful areas first. The awareness you create is the key to making the right decisions moving forward.

“It starts with self-awareness. Self-awareness starts with space. If you don't prioritize that space, you're not going to gain self-awareness.” - Sonya Stattmann (14:21-14:37)

How much responsibility are you putting on yourself to care for others? Are the strategies that once worked for you no longer working? How might over-owning responsibility to others be disempowering them? When you start to uncover those areas where you need to make changes, it becomes possible to take the steps that create awareness and space to step into the responsibilities you have to others and yourself in a way that contributes to the wellbeing of everyone. 

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